Pride always comes before the fall. Pride has destroyed nations throughout history. Nations fall because of the pride of its people. They thought and cared only for themselves. So it is with marriage. If anyone is in a marriage looking for “what is in it for me”, they will always be sorely disappointed. Marriage is not about “me”. Only when a person can forget about his or herself will they find gratification in the union they are in. In his 1989 General Conference address, Beware of Pride, President Ezra Taft Benson said this of pride: “Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. “How everything affects me” is the center of all that matters—self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking… Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride.” One would do well to realize that selfish pride will come before the fall of his or her marriage.
How do we overcome pride in our marriages?
President Benson explained, “The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, [and] submissiveness….) It is the broken heart and contrite spirit. ” (Benson, 1989).
How do we become humble in our marriages?
I will let President Benson answer this question, and teach us a very valuable lesson on how to become humble in our marriages:
“We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are. (See D&C 38:24; D&C 81:5; D&C 84:106.) We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement. (See Jacob 4:10; Hel. 15:3; D&C 63:55; D&C 101:4–5; D&C 108:1; D&C 124:61, 84; D&C 136:31; Prov. 9:8.) We can choose to humble ourselves by forgiving those who have offended us. (See 3 Ne. 13:11, 14; D&C 64:10.) We can choose to humble ourselves by rendering selfless service. (See Mosiah 2:16–17.) We can choose to humble ourselves by going on missions and preaching the word that can humble others. (See Alma 4:19; Alma 31:5; Alma 48:20.) We can choose to humble ourselves by getting to the temple more frequently. We can choose to humble ourselves by confessing and forsaking our sins and being born of God. (See D&C 58:43; Mosiah 27:25–26; Alma 5:7–14, 49.) We can choose to humble ourselves by loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our lives (See 3 Ne. 11:11; 3 Ne. 13:33; Moro. 10:32.)” (Benson, 1989).
How do we become meek in our marriages?
Meekness is defined as a person who is quiet, gentle, and patient. In his 2013 General Conference address, Elder Ulisses Soares defines meekness this way: “Meekness is vital for us to become more Christlike. Without it we won’t be able to develop other important virtues. Being meek does not mean weakness, but it does mean behaving with goodness and kindness, showing strength, serenity, healthy self-worth, and self-control.” Being meek in a marriage is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of great strength. Every time a person bites his or her tongue, or refrains from being angry, they are being meek in their marriage.
How do we become submissive in our marriages?
Dictionary.com defines submissive as “ready to conform to the authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive. However, I do not think this is what God intends us to be in our marriages. When we submit to our spouse, it does not mean that we see them as an authority figure, and be obedient like a dog would to their master. To illustrate this point, I want to refer you to an article by Spencer J. Condie titled, And We Did Liken the Scriptures unto Our Marriage. Brother Condie tells of a couple who are working to make the scriptures real in their marriage. Susan approaches her husband Bill about a scripture that had troubled her for some time: Ephesians 5: 22 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Bills thoughtfully turned to the scripture and referred to the verses before and after to put into context what exactly these verses are saying.
“Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children;
“And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us. …
“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. …
“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
“For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. …
“Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Eph. 5:1–2, 21–25, 28–29, 33.)
Bill then turns to his sweet wife and says, ““Sweetheart, Paul says that wives should submit themselves to their husbands and that the husband is the head of the wife ‘even as Christ is the head of the church.’ I want to ask your forgiveness for the many times I’ve failed to be a Christlike husband. Too often I’ve thought only of my own needs and pleasures without giving a second thought to you and the children. I really am going to try harder to incorporate the Savior’s teachings in my life, to serve you and the children rather than commanding you and making demands on you.
“There have been times,” he continued, “when I’ve really felt like a henpecked husband. I guess I felt like I was being pushed into submission to you. But since we’ve been trying to incorporate the scriptures into our lives, I’ve come to realize that no husband who gladly loses himself in the service of his wife and family can be considered henpecked—because he is doing what makes them happiest, and their happiness becomes a great source of joy in his own life” (Condie, 1984).
How do we have a broken heart and contrite spirit in our marriages?
Simply put, to have a broken heart in our marriages, a person must feel sorrow for their mistakes and weaknesses. They want to fix their mistakes, and right the wrongs. Repentance is a tool repeatedly used by a person with a broken heart.
A contrite spirit within a marriage is a person who has a fervent and sincere desire to make things better. This person feels love and peace towards their spouse. When feelings of anger, discontent, frustrations, and disdain creep in, a contrite spirit finds forgiveness.
References
Benson, E. T. (1989, April 1). Beware of Pride. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng
Condie, S. J. (1984). And We Did Liken the Scriptures unto Our Marriage. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1984/04/and-we-did-liken-the-scriptures-unto-our-marriage?lang=eng
Soares, U. (2013, October). Be Meek and Lowly of Heart. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/10/be-meek-and-lowly-of-heart?lang=eng
Making Marriage Happy 