A Marriage is Worth Saving

I start this blog on the birthday of my oldest son. He turned seventeen today. How in the world did this happen? As young wives and mothers we spend so much time saying things like, “I cannot wait until he can walk”, and “If he would just start using the potty…” Here I sit now wondering what I could have done more to prepare this young man for his adult life that is just one short year away. I am now wishing for more time. I want to teach him how important a marriage is to preserving a family. I want him to know that the love that he has for his future wife will be one of the most important things he can devote himself too. I want my daughter to know that she needs to prepare herself to be a caring loving wife.

President Spencer W. Kimball said, “many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us” (Kimball, 1980).

I want my children to believe deeply and actively in the family. At the root of a strong family is a strong marriage. Saving a troubled marriage is worth every effort. A married couple should do all in their power to work through problems, and come out conqueror in the end. I promise, what ever the problem is, you will be happier in the end if you do not give up. Not only will said couple save their marriage and family, but marriages and families for generations to come. The trend starts or stops with them.

Watch this video from Dallin H. Oaks: “A marriage, like a human life, is a precious, living thing. Spouses should exercise faith in Christ and love for each other to heal and strengthen their relationship.”

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-01-009-saving-your-marriage?lang=eng

Dallin H. Oaks also pleads, “I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache. A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce.3 Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce—especially where there are children—generate new conflicts.”

“Latter-day Saint spouses should do all within their power to preserve their marriages. They should follow the marriage enrichment counsel in the First Presidency’s message in the April 2007 Ensign and Liahona.5 To avoid so-called “incompatibility,” they should be best friends, kind and considerate, sensitive to each other’s needs, always seeking to make each other happy. They should be partners in family finances, working together to regulate their desires for temporal things.”

“Of course, there can be times when one spouse falls short and the other is wounded and feels pain. When that happens, the one who is wronged should balance current disappointments against the good of the past and the brighter prospects of the future.”

“Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. In a marriage relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine (see D&C 64:9–10). Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs (as President Faust has just taught us so beautifully), to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships.

If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony” (Oaks, 2007).

Elder Oaks again pleads people to seek for repentance and forgiveness in marriage:

The University of Virginia engaged in a campaign to strengthen marriage in America. Their campaign book titled, The state of our unions 2012: Marriage in America: The Presidents Marriage Agenda, gives strong evidence in supporting the strengthening and saving of marriages: “There is now ample evidence that stable and satisfactory marriages are crucial for the well-being of adults. Yet such marriages are even more important for the proper socialization and overall well-being of children. A central purpose of the institution of marriage is to ensure the responsible and long-term involvement of both biological parents in the difficult and time consuming task of raising the next generation” (Wilcox, 89).

“The desire of teenagers of both sexes for “a good marriage and family life” has remained high over the past few decades. Boys are almost ten percentage points less desirous than girls, however, and they are also a little more pessimistic about the possibility of a long-term marriage. Both boys and girls have become more accepting of lifestyles that are alternatives to marriage, including unwed childbearing and premarital cohabitation.” (Wilcox, 96).

“Young women have seen their faith in marriage’s capacity to deliver happiness fall markedly over the last thirty years” (Wilcox, 97).

The youth are losing faith in marriage because they see to many struggling marriages around them. The sanctity and sacredness of the marriage relationship is losing its value. It is up to us, the parents of today, to teach our children how valuable marriage is. Do not give up on your marriage. Keep working on it every day. You can save your marriage. Can I suggest that you start by getting marriage education? I know, crazy right? Only people with problems go to marriage classes, or get counseling, NOT TRUE! Every couple should get marriage counseling. My husband and I attended marriage courses. It was awesome! We talked about things and did things that we have never done in our nineteen years of marriage. After nineteen years we have more to learn than we did before we said “yes”.

Email me if you want information on marriage courses: shaunalyncarter@msn.com

See a summary of the benefits of marriage: https://www.catholicmatch.com/institute/2012/03/a-summary-of-the-benefits-of-marriage/

Works Cited

Kimball, S. W. (1980, October). Families Can Be Eternal. Retrieved from lds.org

OaksOf, D. H. (2007, May). Divorce. Retrieved from. lds.org

Saving Your Marriage. (n.d.). Retrieved from lds.org/media-library/video

Wilcox, W. B. (2012). The state of our unions 2012: Marriage in America: The Presidents           marriage agenda. Charlottesville, VA: National Marriage Project, University of Virginia.