When God created Adam and Eve, he commanded them to “multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 9:1), a command that refers to having children. God further commands a man to “cleave unto his wife”, that they should become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). God intended a husband and wife to fully exercise their sexual relationship. It is meant to be beautiful, wonderful, exciting, and empowering. Sex was instituted by God, to create man, and to draw a husband and wife together as one. If used the way that God intended, it does just that.
Unfortunately, the world (Satan), and the natural man have twisted and distorted sex. It has become a tool of gratification, lust, and even recreation. Satan has used sex as a way of dragging man and woman down. Making them feel worthless, and unclean. Satan wants nothing more than for man to use sex in a way God has not intended. For this reason, the youth of the Church are taught to restrain, abstain, and fight for their chastity. Sex becomes taboo, and is not talked about. For many, sex seems ugly and unclean. It is good for the youth to learn how to bridal their passions. In fact, if they can rise above the world, and fight for their chastity, they will be a stronger and cleaner people. Sadly, this fight can have an adverse effect. These same youth never learn about the beauty of sex. They never fully grasp the reason sex was instituted in the first place. They start marriage with a naive, and uniformed view of sex that can hurt their relationship. It is important for the youth to be taught how wonderful sex is when employed the way that God intended. Parents should talk to their children about sex within marriage. Of course, parents should not share personal details about their sexual relations, but help the youth know how wonderful it is between them. The youth should understand exactly why they are being taught to abstain. When a couple gets married, they should talk about sex. Dr. Sean E. Brotherson quotes a friend: “For some LDS couples, especially those where one or both struggle with negative feelings about sex, doctrinal permission feels needed to even discuss or study such things. It is okay to read about sex. It is okay to talk about sex.”
President Hugh B. Brown, wrote:
“Thousands of young people come to the marriage altar almost illiterate insofar as this basic and fundamental function is concerned. The sex instinct is not something which we need to fear or be ashamed of. It is God-given and has a high and holy purpose … We want our young people to know that sex is not an unmentionable human misfortune, and certainly it should not be regarded as a sordid but necessary part of marriage. There is no excuse for approaching this most intimate relationship in life without true knowledge of its meaning and its high purpose… … if they would frankly discuss the delicate and sanctifying aspects of harmonious sex life which are involved in marriage, … much sorrow, heartbreak, and tragedy could be avoided.”” (Brown, 73, 76)
Brent A. Barlow explains:
“To be able to know each other physically, couples need to talk together about the physical dimensions of their relationship. Partners who feel free to discuss finances, discipline, recreational activities, and so forth, often feel uncomfortable discussing this intimate subject. And they sometimes assume that their intimate relationship should just “naturally” work out and that to discuss it means something has gone wrong. This is simply not true. While these intimacies, because of their sacred nature, should not be discussed with friends or other relatives, it is totally appropriate to discuss them with a marriage partner.
“Talking about this intimate relationship—including the emotional feelings that attend it—can go a long way in strengthening a marriage.
“Some problems in this aspect of marriage occur when one spouse or the other either unwisely limits its use or uses it inappropriately. Sexuality should be an integral part of loving and giving. Any use which doesn’t include these feelings is improper” (Barlow, 1986).
Barlow goes on to share the roles that both the husband and the wife have in sexual intimacy:
“If [the] husband places other things first and is unable to find time to develop intimacy in other parts of his relationship with his wife, she will probably not be very interested in sexual intimacy.
“A wife may not be interested if she feels her husband is unaware of or doesn’t care about the seemingly small struggles of her life… Wives also enjoy romance. The problem here is that sometimes husbands and wives have a different definition of romance. Many wives include in their definition the time they spend together doing things they are both interested in. They include expressions of love both verbal and written, or small gifts that have meaning for just the two of them. If the romance in marriage is limited to sexuality, wives may feel more exploited than loved.”
“Perhaps the most important thing a wife can do to improve the sexual relationship in her marriage is to realize her husband is also a human being with various needs, hopes, and aspirations… when she stops for a quick hug or even better, initiates the affectionate action herself, she deepens the love between her and her husband.
“I believe few wives realize the power they have to help keep their husbands near them physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. On the other hand, I also believe few wives sense the degree of frustration and alienation husbands feel when a wife ignores his needs and interests. I believe a wise and loving Heavenly Father has given a wife the ability to achieve oneness with her husband. The key is unselfishness” (Barlow, 1986).
Marriage, in a way is spelled, M-a-r-r-“you”-a-g-e. Marriage is not about “I”. It is about “you” and “we”. So it is with sexual intimacy. “We” will talk about sexual relationships together. “I” will focus on “you”. “We” will work together to make sex great in our marriage. “We” will become what God intended us to become, and that includes sex the way that God intended it to be.
References
Barlow, B. A. (1986, September). They Twain Shall Be One. Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1986/09/they-twain-shall-be-one-thoughts-on-intimacy-in-marriage?lang=eng
Brotherson, S. E. (2003). Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage. Meridian Magazine. http://www.meridianmagazine.com
Brown, H. B. (1960). You and your marriage. Bookcraft.
Making Marriage Happy 